Trying again.
Darn blogger. It was really good too. Lots of good thoughts about being good and kind. It's gone now though. Can't recreate it. (spell check is what caused my problem, so please excuse any misspelled words. I do not want to risk losing it all again.)
The ending was good though. "I will stop. I will breath. I will close my eyes and enjoy the blissful silence. I will listen. I will be the change I want to be in the world"
Isn't that what we should all be. Really, the point of what I lost was just that. I've been faced lately with people being less than they should be. Including my self. But that's hardly shocking. I am so much less than I could/should be. I need to be a better wifemothersistergrandaughterDAUGHTER. Especially that last one. What ever dissapointments I have in my parent I should rise above it. I just can't do it. Right now.
A church I've been thinking about going to has disappointed me in ways that is very sad. It is the wrong place for me. Just that I've thought about going to church is a big deal. I have a strong faith in God. That isn't it. Though I may not be what a lot of people that read my posts would consider a Christian, I do know, accept, believe in my heart that God loves me and will protect me. I don't have faith in the churches in my area. I had put off going to this particular church for a long time. The things I witnessed, or more to the point, have not witnessed have shown me that it's not the place for me. While I am willing to make change, I want to go somewhere that is warm and welcoming. The events of the past two weeks have shown me that this place is not.
Part of it is the location in which I live. Too much too fast too many. That's the problem here. Everything, everyone rushes by without taking time to listen. To watch for Gods messages. A thought that has been running in my head lately, especially when I have too have rushed by someone, is "what if that was one of Gods angels". What if I've just let an opportunity go by to help someone who needs it. Even if it's just a warm smile. Shouldn't we all go through our day like that? Thinking that everyone we meet in the day is an angel? Everyone we come across needs us in some small way?
But then, there are people that I know need me. I worry that I let them down. That I am not available enough to them, physically or emotionally. I pray for them. They are always in my thoughts. I can only hope that for now, that is enough. I am trying to change. To be the kind of person I want to be. For that I need time. I need to remind myself each day what I must become. I will stop. I will breath. I will close my eyes and enjoy the blissful silence. I will listen. I will be the change I want to see in the world.
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