1st day of 7th Grade for Lovey

I just read my sisters last few posts and it confirmed why I don't do this more often. She has such an amazing story to tell and a beautiful way of telling it. I have much less excitement in my life. So the pauses between my stories get longer and longer. Maybe now that Summer is over, I'll have more to say. That's not to imply that I have nothing to say...I always do. But often consider, is this the right forum for all my thoughts? Hmm.

Today was my Lovey's 1st day of 7th grade. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! He is so grown up. He's that age where he almost doesn't need my anymore. Oh..I know he does, but he's old enough to act like he doesn't need me, but not old enough to realize that it's really okay to still need your mom. He woke up early today, with no prodding from me or his Dad. He set his alarm clock on his own last night. Didn't even hit the snooze button when it went off, blaring some song I don't know. (I hit it at least 5 or 6 times everyday, who gets out of bed right away? How is that even possible?). He got dressed without a word from me, made breakfast..even brushed his hair without being asked. Now, this may not seem like much, but for Lovey...it's huge. He is an "only child" (really don't like that phrase, need to come up with something else) and relies very heavily on me to do things for him. I suppose because he is my only one, I don't mind doing for him. Don't get me wrong, the boy is expected to do for himself and take care of himself, and usually does. But the big things, like remembering to set the alarm clock etc., for that he relies on me to remind him. Then gets irritated with me when I do. But if I don't remind him, somehow I'm still the bad guy. Ahh, the joys of pre-teendom. But I digress...

As I drove my Lovey to school this morning (it's a very short trip, but too long and too up hill to tackle so early in the morning) it was impossible not to think of his first day of Kindergarten. It wasn't as huge and momentous day as it is for some children. Simply because, sadly, I have always had to work outside the home and Lovey started going to day care before he was 1. So the routine of get up, get ready, get going was new to him. He had attended a wonderful preschool just a block from our home that was structured very much like Kindergarten so the routine was even normal for him. I was very excited. His teacher Ms. B still holds a very special place in our hearts and has been the very best teacher Lovey has ever had. He was so little. Still with chubby cheeks. His serious blue eyes taking it all in. I remember him not wanting to let go of my hand for a while, then after taking it all in, studying it all, he let go and took his place on the carpet. Still keeping an eye on me (and my beautiful sister, who at this point, was almost interchangeable with me in his eyes).

Each year would be the same, I would walk him to class, stay with him for a little while and then go, after I was sure he was comfortable. Somewhere around 4th grade, he didn't want me to stay anymore. He never asked me not to, but we, as always, understood each other. Sometime last year, it became impossible for him to give me a kiss or hug goodbye. I might still get the occassional "I love you" but physical contact? Are you crazy? Out of the question. Today, when I dropped him off....I barely got a good bye. It made me a bit sad...but's really okay. I understand.

I know how my Lovey approaches situations, and how he acts when nervous or unsure. It's not different than that first day of Kindergarten. He becomes silent. He studies the situation and evaluates the risks before jumping in. He is cautious. A trait that makes his father a bit crazy. I know that before he feels comfortable with a situation that it's best not to talk to him or bother him. He deals with discipline and serious discussions the same. This is something I've only just accepted. While I always understood his approach to new situations, for some reason it took until this summer to realize he approaches just about everything that way. If he gets in trouble for something, he may get angry at first, something I attribute to having a mother with a similarly short fuse, and the hormonal imbalance of being 12. But when all is said and done, he will sit quietly for a while, then when he has fully processed it all, he will come to me with a hug or a joke..or something to let me know he gets it.

Lovey has had some emotional years and more than likely will have several more in the future. We will not always get along as well as we are right now. I'm not going to stop giving him hugs or encouraging him when he wants to hide or telling him how much I love him. This will undoubtedly drive him crazy on the outside, but I know on the inside it means something to him.

The other night, my husband and I were being, well to put it simply...a couple of dorks. Just being goofy. Lovey said "I think I must be adopted." We all laughed and my husband and I looked at him..."Son," my husband said "You might be able to deny you came from me, but look at your mother, you can't deny you belong to her." Then came the discussion of the same legs, the same feet and hands. The same eyes and nose. Other than the hair color we do look a lot a like. But really, it's so much more than that. We are so similar. I love him so very much that love is not a big enough word.

Today, when he comes home from school, he won't have much to say at first, but as the evening moves on I'll hear more and more about his day, his new teacher and old friends. It will come out slowly, as if testing the waters for our reactions. Then it will all come flooding out in one fast and furious now deep voiced wave. I can't wait.