I'm home

I'm home..back from where most of my heart lives. It was sooo very hard to leave. Especially when my beautiful Minnie tells me at least 100 times "I wish you didn't have to go home". And Monkey and Mr Magoo..how I love them too. So sad that they fell asleep without one file hug. I am so loved by those three that it's almost overwhelming. One of those "what did I ever do to deserve so much" kinds of love. I was just there in December but already those three have changed so much. Minnie is tall and beautiful and so much her momma. Magoo has got to be the sweetest little boy ever. He is to thoughtful and kind. My sister is definitely doing something right with her children!

My greatest joy this trip had to have been Monkey. I was so afraid that he would not want to be with me, or have me touch him. Minnie & Magoo...they just oooze excitement when they see me and I can hug and kiss them endlessly without them ever being satisfied (me either for that matter) but Monkey...I always want to do the same to him, but know I have to do it on his terms. It always breaks my heart a little. But not this time. I walked upstairs and he was excited to see me. I could have cried tears of joy! He was so excited that he RAN into the bed his brother and sister were asleep in and bounced with the joy of knowing first that we had come to see them and wanting them to wake up and see me too. We carried on 2 year old conversations and played together. "You wanna play with me" ...oh....if I could have recorded that voice! This is a bit a joy I will carry for a long time. I know it won't always be that easy. But at least I now know that I have made an impression on him too and that even if he has a hard time letting me know, that he loves me as much as I love him.

Seeing my grandparents was wonderful and sad at the same time. I love them so much and they are aging. My grandmother has changed. There was so much I wanted to say to her, but couldn't for fear of her being sad. She wrote Lovey a letter as if to say goodbye. She didn't want him to read it until we were on the airplane. We read it at the airport. I literally broke my heart. This woman that has meant so much to me..that has guided me through life, is sick and I can't be with her. I can't fix it. I can't pat her leg and tell her it will be alright like she has done to me countless times. She is an amazing woman. I can't imagine my life without her.

I have to end for now. Life carries on outside of this bl*g. More later.