Can You Play? (Long post)

I have known Ferris since the day I was born. Of course, I don’t remember the day itself, being so small & new, but we’ve been told this as fact. She lived just two doors down from my grandparent’s house. My earliest memories of friendship come from being with her. Playing baseball in the middle of the street (she was going to be the first female Dodger), coming up with crazy plays and dancing to popular music. We went to different schools, and when we were very small, I lived farther away. But we always came together in the summertime. I was the little girl that didn’t make friends easily and she was always a bundle of energy that just pulled me along with her. Adolescence came, and being from completely different worlds, we drifted apart. We ended up going to the same high school, but being in different grades and different circles, we didn’t really “hang out”.

When I was 16, I tried out for cheerleading. To this day, I don’t know what gave me the idea, let alone the courage, to do such a thing. I think I was trying to break out of the shy girl mode, and to break away from people that were anything but friends. Ferris was already in Varsity Cheer and great at it. Somehow I made the JV team and started practicing everyday, becoming totally immersed in the sport. My grandmother, tired of driving me back and forth, asked Ferris to start taking me. We were going to the same place anyway. At first it was awkward. I thought of her as a popular girl and she intimidated me. This lasted for about 15 seconds. Then I realized that she was still Ferris and I was still me. This simple act from my grandmother, and Ferris’ mom I’m sure, was the greatest gift I had been given in my 16 years. I went from having terrible, manipulative, user friends, to having a best friend for the first time in my life.

We became inseparable. We went everywhere together. From taking trips to Fashion Island for the day, to driving 5 minutes to Sav-On. She had a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop of us from always being together. I’m sure they had time with just the two of them, but it must have been rare. We were so linked that her boyfriend had combined our names into one word, long before the Benifer & Brangelinas of the world. Things didn’t really change when we entered college. We remained attached. She had a new boyfriend. Anyone we dated knew we were a box set. You may date her, but you’ll have to be friends with me.

We started dating our husbands within days of each other. At the time, they too were best friends. A mutual friend had intentions of fixing me up with The King and Ferris up with Chas. In fact, Chas liked Ferris, she is more his type. Petite and curvy. God had other plans. Chas was meant for me and The King was meant for her. Things moved quickly with both of us. We didn’t’ drift apart as much as we became adults with adult relationships. We were still somewhat attached however, working at the same place, eating lunch together everyday. When she had her first child, I was there.

Something happened in the next few years. We did drift apart. There wasn’t a specific event that I know of. It was just time and circumstances. It is how life played out. It was time. We needed to become adults independent of each other. We needed to become wives and mothers without the others influence. The time spent apart was too long. There were times when her absence from my life was palpable. Not only did I lack the courage to call her, but I knew in my heart that we were apart for a reason.

Recently, we have reconnected through the persuasion of our husbands. The first night we had dinner together was much like the first day in her car when I was 16. I was scared and nervous. I’d like to say that went away within 15 seconds again, but it didn’t, it lasted a few days. We have let each other in by bits and pieces. We are no where near the best friends we used to be. But, I don’t think we need or want to be. We have husbands for that type of intimacy and closeness.

Ferris believes, and I agree, that we have come into one another’s lives again for a purpose; that we each have something to learn from the other. Each time we have come together we have been at pivotal times. As little girls when we were learning how to make friends, when we were teens and needed the companionship only a best girl friend can give, and now, as adults, nearing our 40’s and the new challenges life will offer. I believe we have the same things to learn from each other that we always have. I need to learn how to be more open and trusting, less shy. I need to learn how to get out into the world rather than staying a homebody. I have things to teach her as well, but that’s for her to discuss. What ever the lessons or reasons are, I am so grateful and blessed that she is in my life again.

Other than my sister, who else knew me in pigtails and red tennis shoes? Who else knows about my deepest high school crushes and wildest dreams? She shared most of my life changing events with me. She watched me and helped me to become who I am today. I’d like to think I helped her too. Someday we’ll be old & gray, but I hope we’ll still call to say “Can you play?”