Proud Parent

100_1181_edited-1.JPG
Originally uploaded by bbratsthoughts

Lovey has been going to "school" his entire life. I've always worked outside the home so he's always had to get up early, pack up his necessities in his backpack and head out the door. The necessities used to be his stuffed Eeyore and Winnie The Pooh blanket. Now it's 50 pounds of books and binders.

While he is a very smart boy, sitting down and listening to a teacher has never been his strong suit. He'd rather take his own time, learn it in his own way. It was the same when learning to write his name as it is learning algebra. The ability is there, but never the drive. He knows things about our history and science that no one has ever taught him, he just knows somehow. I frequently say to him "Why can't you use this power for good?"

The middle school years were extremely difficult (not quite an accurate description-there are not words to describe how painful and heartbreaking they were). Early on, The Mayor & I would help Lovey with his homework. We worked hard on staying involved in what was due and when. We felt that without our push he just wouldn't do the work. This "help" as we saw it, almost always ended in battles & tears. His sensitive nature thought we were picking on him and putting too much pressure on him. After a year and a half of this struggle we stopped helping. We stopped pushing. Clearly the amount of pressure Lovey was feeling wasn't doing anyone any good. No more than "did you finish your homework" crossed our lips. We made the choice that living peacefully together was much more important than whether his homework was done. Was this the right choice? I don't know. Lovey spent so much energy lying to us about whether or not the work was done that his guilt ended up in the same battles and tears. He has always been the type of boy that would "tattle" on himself. If he has done something bad or wrong, he feels it deeply and is often harder on himself than we could ever be. In the end, our choice to not pressure him only resulted in his guilty feelings overwhelming him.

We finally sought help in dealing with his feelings about himself and towards us. Help with how we were handling the situation. Most of our Wednesday night therapy sessions ended uncomfortably. With either me crying, The Mayor angry & hurt, or Lovey silent and withholding. But it's been good for all of us in the long run.

Along with our Wednesday nights, I have spent countless hours in prayer for Lovey. Asking God to be with him. To bring him peace. To allow him focus and understanding towards what he needs to do. Pleading with Him to wrap his loving arms around my boy and protect him from the dangers facing his teenage years.

At then end of his 8th grade year, Lovey was failing 3 classes. Not just the detested algebra, but science & language too. Because of teachers that could see his potential he was given the chance to focus on catching up. He worked diligently during those few months and improved all of those F's up to C's. Without pressuring him, I simply said "Lovey, think of what you could have accomplished had you put in just put in a fraction of that hard work during the year." Normally, he would have protested. Blamed everyone but himself while internally feeling like a failure. I braced myself for the argument that would surely come my way, but it didn't. He just said "I know Mom".

The summer months flew by. On occasion we would talk about the coming change of high school. We would gently tell him that it would be much harder than middle school and that it would require a lot more effort on his part. In the past, these types of conversations would lead to a fight, but not once over the summer did we argue over it. Each time it was discussed he would say "I know. I'm going to try hard this year." Words are easy, it's the actions that tell the story. As September approached I wanted desperately to believe his words. It's a terrible feeling to distrust your child. But all of the fights and lies in the past kept me from being able to trust his words. I continued my prayers, begging for Gods guidance and help with the child I love so fiercely.

The first day of school arrived. In an effort to keep a calm in the house I didn't make a fuss. I didn't take the day off from work. I tried to make it like any other day. When I arrived home from work, Lovey jumped right in to telling me about his day. Talking about his teachers and who he thought he would like & dislike. He gave me the papers I needed right away. He asked for my help in getting the new list of supplies still needed. I sat at the table soaking it all in. Never in his previous 9 years of school had he come home with that much enthusiasm. Never had he volunteered information about his day. Inside I was screaming & jumping for joy. Outside, I smiled and listened. I covered his books while he talked & talked. I helped put together his binders while he laughed telling me he was too nervous to eat lunch that day.

I went to bed that night thankful to God for the joy and peace he had given sweet Lovey. I was eternally grateful for that one day of an enthusiastic student. It's been a week and while the excited nervous energy is gone, the enthusiasm towards the work seems to have stayed. Two nights went by with no homework. A familiar line of "I did it at school" were heard. The doubt crept back into my mind. So I asked. I told Lovey I wanted to believe him, that I did believe, but I needed to see the homework he said he had done. This too would normally cause a huge fight. To my great relief, it didn't. He didn't comment. Didn't argue. He got his book and showed me the work.

There will continue to be a bit of doubt and a need for Lovey to earn back my trust, but I'm taking each day one at a time. The last week was so incredible. I know there will still be bumps in the road, but a huge part of my heart believes that the worst is behind us. I am always proud of Lovey for all that he is and the beauty of his mind and heart. But today, I get to proud of him as a student too. My heart sings with thanks and joy.